Once upon a time in Crete
This was my first time in Crete and will probably be my last.
Every great story starts with “So”
So, while I was away with work I stopped off in Crete. Now Crete is an island off the south of Greece. It’s known for its party lifestyle with Malia leading the role in party towns among Crete. We stopped of in a small town called Souda Bay. It seemed to be a place where a lot of naval vessels would stop as the town was full of “shipmate” bars.
How it all started
When I first walked into the town it was quite, like a small Greek village, its houses were all painted white and it had seafood bars all around the pier. We walked down to the pier side were they sold these huge 3 pint boots of beer, FOR LIKE, 2 EUROS!
Me being young at the time I think this was like the fourth country I had ever visited, I was amazed and had to get another. This was the downfall of the night. We spent about and hour and half in this bar chugging (Drinking fast) these boots and eventually moved on. By this time I had past the point of no return and began on the cocktails.
The next bar we entered was a sailor bar that had writing all over the walls. Sailors from all over the world came to this bar and signed the roof. This bar was crazy, people dancing on the tables, bar maids chucking drinks down your throat, I really liked it here.
Of course this is where my memory blanks out, the next thing I know I’m sitting on a curb on my own with a mate running over and saying “ Dan, are you really gonna let the lads drink you under the table”, my face lit up. I ran into this bar where I saw another mate behind it pouring drinks for everyone. I ordered 10 jagerbombs (A jager train) and drank them all in one go. Who did I prove a point to? No one. Did I regret it afterwards? Yes.
The beginning of the end
Memory blanks again and now I’m in a bar with a Greek man and 3 girls. These girls seemed to be clinging to this guy like he was a millionaire. I can’t remember his name but lets call him Christensen. Now Christensen kept buying me drinks, I don’t know why but he had taken a liking to me. He eventually asked me if I want to go back to his coffee shop with his girls, naturally I did.
At his coffee shop I felt like a king, this girl sat on my knee, I’m sitting there drinking amazing coffee, and Christensen is behind the bar crafting up a cocktail for me. He comes around and hands me it then says “Dan I like you, you’re a good man, you know what I mean”
I looked up “ I will look after you don’t worry”, at this point he pulls up his shirt, no I know what your thinking, I didn’t suck his nipple… but tucked down his jeans was a pistol. At this point I was like who the fuck have I got myself in with. I suddenly sobered up, thinking to myself “shit I should maybe go home”
So I asked him “Chris can you get me a ride home” he was like “no problem my friend, let me call one of my boys and he can give you a lift to wherever you want to go” I’m waiting, in my head I’m like, this going to be a big black Mercedes limo or some gangster ride….. No.
My first time on a moped
A moped turns up and this Greek guy is like
“Dan where do you want to go?“
I told him, “I would like to go to Souda bay, you know the dock?”
No chance, he hardly spoke English, turned around and was like “Dock?”
“yeah you know like marina” I replied
“ahh marina, no problemo”
So we are riding down this street. I’m looking around like how far did I go to get to the coffee shop and about 20 minutes later he points to a road and tells me the marina is just down there.
I continue to walk around and saw no such marina or Souda bay anywhere. I was working on a ship at the time and honestly though I was in Palermo. The stop we had just before Crete was Palermo and in Palermo I remember walking to a beach and seeing the ship I was staying on at the time. Now I was that drunk that I forgot I was on Crete and honestly thought I was in still in Palermo. In my head I’m like, well if I go to the beach I will be able to see my ship and just swim to it.
Now i’m lost
I end up on the beach and there is no ship, actually there was sweet fuck all apart from beds that were looking better and better as the night went on. I woke up with some guy shouting at me “ You paid for my bed?” I told him my friends had and he walked off. I was woke up again, this time I was pulled off the bed and kicked in the head. The realisation had hit me. Where the fuck was I and how am I going to get back?
I looked at my phone 10% battery with 5 missed calls and messages saying I had until the end of the day to get back or they would sail without me and I had to make my own way to the next stop at my expenses.
The long run home
I walked around this family beach and asked one of the lucky lucky guys where Souda bay was.
“About 25km that way”.
25km, it was 11 in the morning about 25 degrees and only getting hotter. I threw away my flip-flops and started to run. I ended up stopping at three different houses and asked for water, thank god they all gave me some as I honestly felt I was close to death (Massively exaggerated) but about 4 hours later I arrived at Souda bay where I met up with the ship and luckily escaped that crazy island.
Lesson to learn from here, also part of the lessons learnt from travelling, learn the basic languages of the countries you are going to visit.
Never again. (So I thought)